Indoor Plumbing? Yep, one bathroom with shower plus 600 acres of God's Country all around.
Meals? Yep, if you bring it, you can eat it.
Heat? Yep, plenty of the fancy gas kindGrandma don't like hauling firewood.
Fridge? Yep, with plenty of empty space for your vittles.
Privacy? Yep, the innkeepers live down the road a spell.
TV? Yep, five channelsmore if you shimmy up the pole and jiggle the antenna.
Cell phone coverage? Yep, works real good if you can see the one your talkin' to.
Friendly people? Yep, Grandpa don't like no mean ones.
Affordable? Yep, if you've got the internet and a gun, you can surely afford to stay here.
Secret fishing holes? Yep, when you find them, for gosh sakes don't tell no one.
Complimentary breakfast? Yep, if you cook it and we like it, we'll compliment you.
Mints on your pillow? Nope, if you need mints on your pillow, this ain't your kinda place.